Supporting You
Siblings
“My brother was the touchstone in my life. He was always my hero and remains so after his death. I feel panicked that something will happen to my parents too. I don’t know where I fit in my family anymore- am I the oldest sibling now?”
Peace
Siblings are often called, “The Forgotten Mourners.”
When a baby or child dies, life as we know it turns upside down and families struggle to find ways of moving through their new life crisis.
The focus of grief quickly turns to nurturing and helping the parents, oftentimes leaving the siblings with a sense of being left behind or forgotten.
Helping Children & Teens Cope with Fear After a Death
To learn more about supporting your grieving child or teen, download this brochure from The Dougy Center: The National Center for Grieving Children & Families
The following age groups may be used as a guide to the different developmental stages of sibling loss.
Understanding Death: Preschooler
Sees death as temporary; don’t understand that death is final.
May think that they will see the person again or that the person can come back to life.
Many think it was their fault that the person died. Feels sadness, but often for a short time and often escapes into play (adults often believe the child isn’t grieving).
They need daily routines and structure to feel reassurance and safety.
Understanding Death: Elementary/Middle School
May ask lots of questions about how the person died and about what death means.
May display distress and sadness in ways that are not always clear, like being irritable and easily angered. May avoid spending time with others.
May have physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches).
May have trouble sleeping.
May have problems at school. May have no reaction at all.
May dream of events related to death or war.
May want to call home during the school day.
May reject old friends and seek new friends who have experienced a similar loss.
The family will be the grieving child’s main security.
Understanding Death: Teens
May have similar grief reactions to those of school-age children when at home, with friends, and at school.
May withdraw, become sad, or lose interest in activities.
May act out, have trouble in school, or engage in risky behavior.
May feel guilt and shame related to the death.
May worry about the future.
May hide their true feelings.
Teens may fight their vulnerability in grief because it may cause them to feel more dependent on their family - at a time when they are striving for their independence.
Grief affects each of us differently.
When a child dies, each member of the immediate family, extended family, or circle of friends is deeply impacted. Knowing how to navigate your own individual grief journey and also how to support one another can be challenging.
3Hopeful Hearts is here to support each member of this circle with their individual needs. This is not a journey meant to be walked alone. To effectively support one another, you will also need to have your own outside support. At a time of such intense feelings it is helpful to have grief companionship and validation to move forward in your journey so that you may successfully support your family, friends, peers, or coworkers.