Supporting You
Grandparents
“Babies aren’t supposed to die. It goes against everything in the natural order of life. As a grandma I should never outlive my grandchildren. I feel broken -as I miss my grandson and totally helpless as I witness my own child’s pain.”
When a grandchild dies, grandparents experience a dual sorrow. They cry for their lost grandchild and they cry for the devastating grief they witness their own child having to bear. The entire family dynamic is forever changed.
Grandparents need love and support. Their grief is complex. They see the pain and misery of their own child and as a parent, they want to comfort and make things better. When their child hurts, they hurt. As a grandparent, they are also mourning the loss of their grandchild. The bond between a grandparent and grandchild is very unique and the loss is profound.
It is important for grandparents to also realize that as much as they want to comfort and need comfort from their child, during these early months after a loss, they must be encouraged to find support outside of their bereaved child, as they are incapable of providing support as they navigate the unfamiliar journey of their own grief.
Things to remember when supporting yourself:
Allow yourself to feel everything.
Allow others to help you.
You know how to take care of yourself better than anyone.
Sometimes it makes sense to act unconventionally.
You own your grief. No one else can tell you how to feel or act.
A time of loss can be a time of recovery.
Not all questions have answers, but they are worth asking.
You get to choose how you respond to this loss.
Sometimes a loss will bring up other past losses you have experienced.
This loss will shape your soul like nothing else ever will.
How you can support your family?
Listen, listen, listen!
Your body language is important. Eye contact and caring gestures support the human connection with your family member.
You are not there to fix them or remove their grief. Their grief is important, it will eventually take them to their healing.
Find your own network for grief support.
Be receptive and embrace the many stories associated with the child. These stories are to be remembered.
Hearing and saying the child’s name helps in grieving.
Grief and shock is an individual process – allow for compassion, learning and validation.
Be respectful in honoring their grieving process.
Read literature and educate yourself to help you understand your family member’s grief.
Be mindful of additional family members and friends smothering or over welcoming their stay.
Remember to recognize the whole family – especially spouses and siblings as well.
Keep a journal or notes to help with remembering as many details as possible for the family.